A Blind Reason
by tetisheri
Summary: My heart was pounding in my ears, and I could hear some part of me telling myself this wouldn't end well. I had Soda. I had a guy who'd love me, care for me, and would probably marry me one day. I had all of that, yet I couldn't open the door.


AN: I don't really know where this came from to tell you the truth. It just randomly popped into my head while I was washing dishes. I just started writing and this is what came of it. Review and tell me what you think.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders.

A Blind Reason

I don't even know why I did it. It wasn't like Soda and I were fighting. We were going pretty well at the time. We never really fought to begin with, well unless I thought one of the girls that literally hung off him were getting a little too fresh. We were nothing like Dally and Sylvia. I don't even know why they kept getting back together. Everyone and their dog knew they both slept around on each other. Soda and I never did, we were really in love.

I know, what does a sixteen year old like me know about love? Well I'll tell you something, love doesn't have an minimum age requirement. I was madly in love with Soda. I could see myself marrying him when I got done with school. I was that in love with him. He was the sweetest guy I'd ever gone with. He was smart despite what he'd say about himself, and a gentleman. That was a rarity in this part of town, except for maybe all the Curtis boys. They were all gentleman in their own right.

I had been particularly happy that whole day as well. Soda had taken me to a movie, which didn't happen often seeing as he couldn't sit still through them, the night before. Of course we never always ended up watching the movie, but that night we did. With the occasional kiss here and there. Then we'd gone to the Dingo. He was borrowing the truck for the night.

I don't know why, but the night made me extremely happy. I suppose it showed that we could have a 'boring' relationship as Evie would put it. I saw it as it showed we liked each other for a lot more then just the thrill. Evie was going with Steve, Soda's best friend, at the moment, but she's been talking to me about breaking it off. She did this about once every few months. Steve and her had an 'on and off' relationship going on.

It was a normal August day. School hadn't started up yet, but you could feel it was coming. The air was heavier with the knowledge that soon we'd be put back into the classrooms with the people we don't like for hours on end. I'd been heading over to Michelle's. Her boyfriend had broken up with her a couple of days ago and we were all going to cheer her up.

By 'cheer her up' we meant getting dolled up, going to a house party, and flirting with all the boys. I hadn't gone to flirt in some time, I went for back up when one of them caught the attention of someone. I still had a good time though. I'd drink a few beers, dance with a few people, and go home with a smile on my face.

That night we all looked pretty tuff especially Michelle since we were doing this for her to get over her ex. We were greaser girls. When we got dressed up it usually meant wearing less then decent clothing, and wild eye make up that made our eye colors pop. Many of my friends bleached their hair blonde. I was one of the lucky one's to have natural blonde hair. I didn't see why they all wanted to be blonde anyhow.

It turns out that Evie had a pretty big fight with Steve. They'd be steady again by the end of next week. She was angry at him for flirting with some broad. He said he wasn't flirting, simply talking to the girl about her car. I believed Steve over Evie for the simplest of reasons that Evie exaggerated a lot. An angry Evie meant an Evie who wanted to party. She got it in her head that she had to get back at Steve. I tried talking her out of it, but if you ever met her it's like reasoning with a brick wall.

At first I was able to fake drinking all the stuff she was pushing my way. I'd lost track of Michelle and Kathy sometime ago. I wouldn't doubt Kathy was hunting around for Two-Bit seeing as he was at pretty much every party with booze. Kathy and Two-Bit were the people that never really got to together, but went on a lot of dates. Anyways, Evie got smart and started hounding me on faking my shots. I started to take them, just to get her to stop griping.

Before I knew it I couldn't see straight. I was still having a good time. The music was pounding away, people were milling about or dancing, and in the dark corners of the house were the couples. I got up to go dance. I thought it was a real smart idea to smart when I could barely see my own feet. I'm a pretty good dancer when I'm drunk. I've known that for a while, but still…I shouldn't have gone dancing.

Evie had wandered off. Looking for someone to go flirt with no doubt. Steve'd be angry when he found out, but get over it. They always got over their problems. Nothing could keep those two apart for long. I believe the longest they went broken up for was three weeks. I never did understand their relationship. I had been dancing for a while when arms encircled my waist. I knew from the moment they touched me they weren't Soda's.

"Hey, baby doll," a familiar voice whispered in my ear. I looked over my shoulder seeing dark eyes. "Need some company?" an eyebrow arched playfully. I found myself smiling with a roll of my eyes, but I continued to dance with his body pressed close to mine.

I know what most would be thinking right about now. It was all the alcohol. I suppose it was a factor. I might have been seeing a bit funny, but I still knew what I was doing. I knew I had a boyfriend. I knew that I was in love with Soda. But in that house, at that very moment, with my body moving against another, all I really cared about was the rising heat in my body.

"C'mon, let's go somewhere more private." the same husky voice told me, capturing my hand and pulling me through the crowd.

On the way to the bedroom, I caught a look at where Evie was. She was yapping away with Sylvia. One of the sleaziest girls any one of us knew. Sylvia would sleep with a rabid dog if she ever got hard up on guys. She didn't even notice me disappearing up the stairs.

My memory aint to hot from then on out. I mean, I know exactly what I did. I could still recall the fire and pleasure I got out of it. I just didn't remember any exact details. The next thing I do remember clearly is waking up in a bedroom that looked like it belonged to a six year old girl. I was completely naked, and so was the body next to me.

I first noticed the lack of noise from down stairs. We both must have fallen asleep. That's what happens when you hook up drunk, you fall dead asleep afterward. The next thing that really hit me was that I just cheated on Soda. I've always prided myself in not being the average grease girl. I didn't cheat on guys I went steady with, my language wasn't as rough as most of my friends, and I actually wanted to do something with my life. Now I was no better then the rest of them.

"I'll drive you home." he said sitting up from the bed and getting dressed. I followed suit, not fully grasping what this really meant.

It didn't surprise me that he was so damn savvy with me not saying a word as he drove me to my house. In this neighborhood most people knew where everyone lived. It was just how it was. That and his sister would come by from time to time when she didn't want to hang out with any of her regular friends. I glanced over at the teen driving the car. I opened my mouth to speak, but he beat me to it.

"Won't say nothin'," his gaze slid to mine briefly. "Wouldn't want you're spotless rep to be tainted, now would we?" his mouth curved into a taunting smirk.

"Fuck you," I growled crossing my arms. My reputation wasn't spotless, but it sure as hell was clean compared to some of the girls on this side of town. He chuckled amusedly.

"Already did that sweetheart." I clenched my teeth in annoyance. I had nothing to say to that. I couldn't say anything to that. " 'Sides stop actin' like you didn't enjoy it."

"You're an ass." I grumbled, even though my cheeks were flaming red. He only smiled. That smile though was nothing like the way Soda smiled. When Soda was smiling you could practically feel the happiness and joy, this smile sent a chill down my spine. No one should smile like that.

I suppose having to grow up the way he did made him smile that way. I had heard that his old man use to beat him on a weekly basis, before he died that was. I never really knew what happened, I doubt even he knew. His mom was a drunk, she didn't do anything to protect her children. She shouldn't even be considered a mom really. I knew first hand that the house was World War 3. No one was safe when you stepped over the threshold.

My house wasn't that bad. If my dad got too boozed up he got a bit violent with my mother, but he didn't drink often. My mom wasn't the best in the world, she didn't really talk to me much ever since I hit puberty. I didn't mind, we never got along well to begin with. My old man and I were doin' alright considering I was a teenage girl.

He pulled up in front of my house. It was still pretty early in the morning, not one house stirred with activity. The sun was still rising, painting the sky pinkish hues. I could barely see the yellow disk over the horizon. My hand found the door handle, but I didn't open the door.

I know now that if only I had opened the door, none of this would have happened. Sure I would have hooked up, but that would have been it. A hook up. Those can be forgiven when you're drunk. I knew that if I told Soda about it, he would be mad at me, but he would forgive me. He would forgive me because that was the person he was. I should have opened that car door.

I looked back over at him. Seeing his dark eyes staring at me intently with that same smoldering lustful look I saw the night before. I pursed my lips swallowing hard. My heart was pounding in my ears, and I could hear some part of me telling myself this wouldn't end well. I had Soda. I had a guy who'd love me, care for me, and would probably marry me one day. I had all of that, yet I couldn't open the door. My hand let go of the handle. I saw his eyes flash momentarily.

"How 'bout your place?" He smirked pulling away from the front of my house.

I won't ever understand what made me say those words. I don't know why I wanted to be with him. I don't know why I needed someone other then Soda. He gave me everything, yet I still wanted more. There was something about those dark eyes, something about the tough collected way he held himself that drove me to want more. I'd had a taste of what he was like. He fucked like he did everything else. Hard, straight to the point, and thorough. Nothing was ever the same with him.

It went on like that for a while. Me sneaking around with the one guy no one would have thought I'd ever hook up with. I still had Soda. Soda who made me feel secure, and happy. I never told my friends what I was doing. It would get back to Soda eventually, and I still loved him. This was only temporary. I just needed something a little different before I completely settled with Soda. That's what I told myself anyhow.

It didn't take long for everything to go sour. I was late. And I don't mean late as in I missed the bus to work late. I mean late as in my period was late. I was always careful when I had sex. I made sure that they were wearing a rubber. I didn't generally want kids until I had established a life for myself. Yet there I was…in my room looking at the calendar for when I last had my period. I nearly threw up as I saw that it had been quite awhile since my last period.

I went to the doctors one day without telling anyone. I needed to know. Maybe it was just stress. Kathy's mom said that stress could change our cycle. I did have a lot to be stressed about lately. I was sneaking around with a guy, and having to keep it a complete secret to my boyfriend who was far more perceptive then he led on.

I didn't like the results. They told me how far along I was and everything. I knew immediately that it wasn't Soda's. A drunken hook up…you had to be careful with those. You don't care about things like rubber's when you're drunk. I wanted to cry all that week, but I couldn't. I had to keep up the façade that nothing was wrong with me.

It seemed to me that the knowledge of my pregnancy triggered the morning sickness. I hated it, I couldn't stand it, and I had to come up with lies if anyone asked me about it. I couldn't keep my secret forever, but I wasn't telling the father it was his. I might have been sleeping around with him, but there was no way he could be a father.

I told Soda I was pregnant with a kid that wasn't his. My parents still didn't know. Ponyboy, his kid brother, and a friend of their's, Johnny, were on the run because of a Soc being stabbed in the park. I couldn't have had worse timing, but I needed to tell him now.

He stood by me. He didn't leave…and in a way I knew he wouldn't. Soda would not abandon me because the baby wasn't his and I had been cheating on him. He decided he'd marry me, so the baby wouldn't be illegitimate. Nothing was worse then being a bastard child. I really did love Soda.

My parents didn't like that. They were sending me off to Florida. They didn't want a pregnant teenage daughter around. I didn't want to be around personally. It would get around sooner or later, and then I'd have to tell who was the real father. I broke it off with Soda.

I don't know if that was the best choice I could have made or the worse. He never would have left me, but I didn't want him taking on my mistakes. It wasn't his responsibility. I didn't want to tie him down. He deserved to live more. We were only sixteen. Having me and a kid that wasn't his to take care of would ruin his life.

I left without a second glance. I knew the mistakes I've made were pretty heavy ones. I now had to deal with the repercussions. My grandmother was a nice lady actually. She didn't look down on me for being pregnant. She was a helping hand, surprisingly really. She hated my mother for having me at eighteen. I suppose she saw the error in her ways with my mother.

Soda sent letters to me…I returned them without opening them. If I did open them I would hop on the next plane to go see him. I had to let him go. I had to let it all go. I had a baby on the way, and I was going to be a mom. The mere thought gave me the chills. I hadn't figured out if that was good or not.

It came as no surprise to me when the baby was born he looked exactly like his father. Well a baby version of his father. His cries were loud and piercing, when he did settle down long enough to open his eyes they were dark bluish hue, almost black. His was a dark color, not even showing a hint of blond, it had a wave to it, like it was struggling whether it wanted to be straight or curly. The only thing my little boy had in common with me was his lips. They were nothing like the hard pressing line his father had for lips.

I don't know why I did what I did. I had the perfect guy any girl could ask for. He was sweet, romantic, a gentleman. I had nothing to worry about when I was with him. It took one drunk hook up to get me addicted to the worst kind of drug. A boy who's touch felt like electricity against my skin. A boy who'd made me feel like I wasn't normal old Sandy. I felt like a different person when I was with him.

Tears started rolling down my cheeks in thick uninterrupted streams as I held my baby close. They were tears for the pain I'd caused to Soda. They were tears of joy. They were tears of regret as the only person in the room with me was my grandmother. He had no idea he had a son. A beautiful perfect little boy that was the spitting image of himself. I cried because in my own way I loved him.

AN: Review please. I really appreciate knowing what people think of my writing.


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